I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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