Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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