A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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