I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
