Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
