whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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