i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The uberlube is also flammable
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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