You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
