Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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