i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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