We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
