doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
