i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
