I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
