You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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