note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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