he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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