Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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