If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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