I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
