Don't you send me to vm
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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