i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
too bad you live with your parents still
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
