Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize