nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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