1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
