You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
