Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
