My first STD was from a foam party
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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