My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
