You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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