he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
