trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
