i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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