She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
