Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I will pee on everything he values.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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