So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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