I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
