Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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