why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
