i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
