He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
