I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
