im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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