the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize