woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You were trust falling into bushes
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
