What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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