It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
