aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
