i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
