I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
