I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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