my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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