he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
