She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
