Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
