i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
