Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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