sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize