God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
