just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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