What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
