I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
