You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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