Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
there's paper in my vomit.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
