Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
