Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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