Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
