watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
