just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
