If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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