I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
