The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
